North Star
North Star

North Star

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore.

I quit those two jobs that were totally wrong for me yayyyy well now it has been a whole month with only a few days of work and it’s Christmas and I have rent and bills and shit and I have a terrible relationship to money uggghhhhhhhhhh. 

I have no North Star right now. I don’t have a big huge goal like acting anymore to keep me on track and give me something to work for and something to focus on.

Now, I have my startup that I’m excited about but…lets see, the day to day will probably be: responding to guests staying at my place, mostly problem solving and maintaining the flow of my bnb. ……… like yeah that’s great to start an income stream and can eventually pay my bills and give me financial freedom… all that is great and needed and super important but that’s not going to fill me up.

I guess I can travel. At that point. Yeah, we will have freedom to go anywhere we want in a few years… ugh. Yes. That would fill me up. Experiencing life with my loves…

Okay. I’m high. Gotta go. My whole body is buzzing. Just barely. It’s nice.

Music is playing. The room is only lit by Christmas tree lights and some twinkle lights.

I think it’s safe to say this is the safest I have ever felt in a home. It’s more mine in every way than any other. My other “homes” don’t feel like home.

But now I am in a space with my soul mate and my dog who is my other soul mate and it’s decorated just how I like and its full of love and kindness and all the good stuff and also hard stuff but we talk and listen and get through it.

This is the version of home I’m sticking to. 


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